Tell Me About Yourself
“I’m a-thinkin’ and a-wond’rin’ all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I’m told
I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul
But don’t think twice, it’s all right” -Bob Dylan
You ask me to tell you about myself, and I feel like screaming, or running, or crying.
I’ll start answering the question like this, so you’ll be the one who feels like doing those things.
I’m a girl who sings Cowboy Junkies songs in bed to her lover whom she will leave the next day. I let unattended, wandering neighborhood children eat my food.
Instead of washing dishes I make water balloons for my sons to throw out the windows. I have lived in the woods in a fort built by children.
I am mostly made up of a collection of memories belonging to other people. I am The Dead Milkmen’s Punk Rock Girl, I’m trouble for sure at only thirteen years old, I’m someone’s sweetie and someone else’s punching bag. I’m a first love and I’m a whore.
I’ll tell you my worst secret, the one no one else knows, then I’ll drive you mad until you leave me because I’m not worthy.
Obsessive people touch things because it’s reassuring in some way. It quiets a part of the brain that most people aren’t even aware of. But I touch memories that way. If I imagine losing my family, I reach in to see if there will be someone left who knows me well enough to hold me up without dragging me into madness. There is only one, but it’s enough.
If you love me, you will pay for it dearly. And you’ll believe it worth the damage.
I break people.
But love me anyway.
And I’m sorry for my sins.
This may be creative nonfiction, but it’s also poetry.
Thank you, Pam! So much of my shorter prose is really somewhere between. I love the lyrical flow of words, so I tend to write everything like that. It’s making the novel for NaNoWriMo pretty darn weird/hard to get through.
That was truly beautiful BKT. I find you to be a smart (a smart-ass too), funny, witty, loyal, charming, kind person with a heart of gold. Remember too, that every single day affords us the opportunity to change ourselves, to evolve into the person we want to be.
Oh yea, you are one helluva writer too!
Scott, thank you for coming by. I appreciate all your kind words, as always, and your astute observational powers.
I’m still figuring out this whole “life” thing. I think I’m somewhere just above primordial sludge in the process. Nowhere to go but up, baby!
So Wonderful BKT! So so wonderful!
I wish i could write like you as you’re so expressive and great!
Thank you very much for writing that!
Bob
Bob, you have your own special gift. You share a kind of childlike innocence with us that is unique. Don’t worry about what you think you can or can’t do. Just keep doing what you do and we’ll love you.
Its great BK. The last four lines kicked my ass, and you know what I mean.
It means a lot to me that you like it. Thank you. And yes, I do know. They sort of kicked mine, too.