All I Wanna Do Is Zumba Zum Zum Zum Part I
I took my second Zumba class last night. In case you’ve been under a rock for the last three years, as I have, Zumba is an exercise phenomenon based on Latin dance moves. Essentially, for an hour you try to dislodge your hips from that pesky lumbar spine holding it in place, and also, learn to vibrate your fat in a seductive way. It takes more skill than one might imagine, especially considering that salsa, samba and merengue dancing require movements not particularly natural to the way American folks are accustomed to using their bodies.
The first class went well enough. I spent most of the time laughing at the white-breadiest woman in the place shaking her ass like she was born doing it. And I mean, doing it badly.
There was a time I would have been that woman. I would have felt the need to be the sexiest, the most talented, the best. I’m extremely competitive in the female superpower arena.
Instead, I got to see how ridiculous that looks on someone who doesn’t really have skills. I, on the other hand, have skills.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find them last night during my second class. It could have been the fifty other people in the room that were effectively hiding the instructor.
It’s like a game of telephone – I’m following someone who’s taken two classes, who’s following someone who has taken four classes, etc. Essentially, it boils down to a cross between stepping and a seizure, with maybe some Tourette’s thrown in for good measure. I’m pretty sure what I did qualifies as a hybrid gang initiation/mating dance.
Frankly, I didn’t care that I looked like a jackass, which for me is a big deal. Especially shocking since I dearly love to dance, and am really fond of the salsa and merengue. Instead, I just let go and had fun, which, as it turns out, doesn’t make you look any less retarded is the real key to getting it right.
Oh now you’ve done it. I’m going to have to youtube “Zumba”. It sounds like a blast, and I love those latin dances, too!
Shake it. Shake it. Shake it like a polaroid picture!
It is fun, and humiliating, two things which have an unfortunately high co-occurrence rate in my life. I should really have that looked at.
This sounds really fun. But I’m poor, so if you are now going to go to exercise at the Y or wherever, can you share that video you bought that you said was really hard? I’m ready to get beaten down now. Oh, and if you can film that class I bet we’d all really enjoy it.
You know I totally thought about filming it and claiming “it’s for my blog!” Which, of course, it would be, but it would also be for everyone’s entertainment and amusement. I would be conveniently filming, and so unable to actually appear in the video.
Maybe next time.
Is it me or would you get just a good of a workout (and laugh) running up a grassy hill and then rolling down.
Honestly, Bearman, those workouts kicked my butt. I couldn’t keep up, and I can roll down some hills, let me tell you. So no. And really, the classes are even more amusing. For the people watching me, I mean.
Now I can’t get a song out of my head that is nothing but your title. How’s that for an accolade? <3
High praise indeed! Actually, I can’t get the damn song out either. Maybe clever isn’t always good, yes?
My biggest problem is that I can’t tell my left from right in those high pressure situations!
I would be an absolute MESS! Good for you!
Explain this “left” and “right” of which you speak.
I am a mess. A fun, hot mess. Yessirree Baaa.
soooo, you are cheating on belly dance?!?!?!? hmpf!
)
Uhhhh…errr….I just couldn’t come out Monday! And shhh, don’t tell people I belly dance. They’ll get all excited and stuff.
Aww, I miss everything living in Europe. You’ll have to video it for me and put it up as a video blog! Maybe a little margarita or sangria would help? I know I’m very athletic but never can dance as well until I have the prerequisite blood alcohol content. Just bring it in one of those fancy water bottle holders; they’ll never know. I bet you’d be the best one in the class after that!
You’re joking, right? You live in SPAIN! Hello? Can you say tango? Flamenco? That’s where all this stuff comes from! Get out of your shack and go to the city. Watching the real deal is a lot more fun than watching fat women who want to not be fat anymore.
Actually tango was invented in Argentina and salsa originated in New York. (Does knowing obscure facts about Latin dances make me look like a dork? Yeah, I thought so, too.)
Also, I’m convinced I can dance better when alcoholically enhanced, but the Youtube videos say otherwise…
Yeah, you got me on the tango, chica. But actually, the salsa originated in the Ukraine! True! Little known factoid!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIp9rhleA28
Okay, I’m kidding. But while the name salsa came from New York, the dance is all Cuban. Er, Puerto Rican. Er…West Indian! There is some argument about the origins, but it’s mostly limited to those two islands.
WOWSERS! You’re a dancer just like me! yours is much more (LOSTL!) sexier!
oh boy! thats so wonderful BKT. It makes all the difference when you learn to dance and the freedom!
HOORAY!
Bob
I am a long-time dancer, Bob. Started when I was three and was in a ballet company until I was sixteen. I wish I’d never stopped! So you can act and dance?? Rose is a lucky girl!
WOWSERS! I wish i started when i was three! thats so great!
I took a couple of lessons at Tony and Rico’s to learn to dance. And i like to think that im the lucky one with Rose. And also with my interneto friends like you!
Bob
Way to go BKT!
Don’t give up on your classes. Dance is excellent for your health and spirit. I used to be very resistant to dancing, but my spirit has changed and I’m enjoying it a lot.
Samba is a great style and we Brazilians love it. It is a whole lot easier to us men than it is for women and it is a way too sexier to see the ladies dancing during carnival.
Why don’t you try this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JyQWFDSoAg
Well, uh…first of all, I don’t look like that. And um, second…I don’t look like that.
However, I might have glow-in-the-dark markings on my body somewhere, having worked around radioactive materials before. I can’t seem to get the samba thing going. It’s one of the hardest steps in the class. But I’ll keep you posted. I’m pretty sure I don’t look sexy doing it. Unless you find someone who appears to be drowning and/or in death throes on dry land sexy.
If I ever do look that good again, I’ll be sure to post video of me dancing. But I like to leave some things to the imagination. You know, like my face and stuff.
Good to see you, Ivan!
Everytime I see this post I swear you bought a Roomba.
No, no Roomba. I have a husband who vacuums and sweeps, so if I ever invest in a robot it will be one that gives daily back rubs.
I love merengues, too. With cream, strawberries and a spoon.
Oh. It’s a dance, not a dessert? Oh.
Do you get a spoon?
I know, right?? And salsa, for Pete’s sake! I was getting really hungry writing this post, especially since Wordpress’s spell check kept wanting it to be meringue. But you know, you can “get a spoon” after a merengue, if you’re lucky.
Whatever works, right. I just walk…alot. I am fine walker and am in excellent shape. Enjoy your zumba.
I think if I had to spend weeks in the desert, I’d be in excellent shape, too. Nice to see you, FJ.